Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
