i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
zippers are such a cool invention
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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