So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
