Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Do you still have your period?
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
