I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
