I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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