my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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