the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
