I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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