so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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