I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
