just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
