wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
