the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
