the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
