So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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