I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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