Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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