Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
