Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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