i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
