I am in a vortex of obligation.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
