we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
