you traded sex for a burrito?
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
