Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
