I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
