My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
bring money and cleavage
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
