Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
