ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
