I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize