I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
