SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
