Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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