woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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