On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
