and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
