i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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