miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
