Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
