I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
