o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
