I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
