If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
