im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
