i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
