When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Randomize