Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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