Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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