who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
