She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I wear drunk well.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize