You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
