Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Randomize
