I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
