she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
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