sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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