i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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