Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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