so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
