i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
