Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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