The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Randomize
