operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Randomize
