my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
