There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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