you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
