i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
