I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
