Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
