This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
