can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
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