Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Randomize
