he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
