He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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