Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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