so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
this will be a night to untag.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize
