Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
