the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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