the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize