Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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