I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
