Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
