Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
