Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Your cock deserves a montage
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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