You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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