i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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