Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
