Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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