It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
