Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Operation Purity has been aborted
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
