her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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