I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
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