hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
