theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
