he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
