dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize