im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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