My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
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