So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize