What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
