Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
