He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
the day after is always just damage control
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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