Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Randomize
