Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
