How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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